I have days where I seriously can pull my hair out with my dd1 lately she has become the most argumentative, willful child I have known. I know in the long run that a child who is not exactly compliant is good it means that they are developing a mind of their own and are questioning your authority but when you are sleep deprived with a little one it takes all of your energy not to turn a blind eye and stay on top of their behaviour.
There are days where I wish I didn't have to be the ogre dishing out the punishment or threatening the punishment or saying "pick that up" or "put that down" "leave your sister alone" "stop whinging" and etc etc. I feel bad when she is having one of those days and I am on her back all day long. I often sit down at night and reflect on my day and think to myself "not once today did I praise her for something good she has done" Did I find any good in her today?" Then I feel really guilty and vow to do a better job the next day.
There are days though where I envy my husband, he comes home from work at night and it is nothing but love and good behaviour from my dd1. She is so happy to see him it is like the Knight in shining armour has returned home to rescue her from her evil Mummy who has told her off all day and reminded her on up teen occasions to say please and thank you. It would be nice to have that excitement towards me. I know it sounds like I'm whinging and complaining but I would like to have a day where we play and I don't have to tell her off.
Now don't get me wrong, I love being a Mum more than anything in the world, but there are days where you sit down on the couch at night and think "I have worked harder today than I have done in any of my paid work." I sit back and often wonder how single parents do it.
This aside, the diamond days when they are sweet and loving and well behaved, make the above days a distant memory. When they come up to you and wrap there little chubby arms around you and say "I love you Mummy." Or when they crawl into your lap for a hug, or you go out somewhere and they remember to say please and thank you without you prompting them. You are also repaid a thousand times over when someone comes up to you and says your child's manners are beautiful and it makes the days where you have been on their backs all day worth it.
So much of parenting at times feels like you are balancing love on one hand and guilt on another. Disciplining is hard work and not something that is particularly nice to do, but has to be done if you want them to grow up and be able to function in society and be liked by others. Disciplining can make you feel very guilty, I know it does me at times I often wonder if I am expecting too much of her and am I being overly hard on her? but I know in the long run it is what is best for her.
So to all the parents out there pat yourself on the back and know that we are all doing the best we can!!!