If you have read my posts over this last year you would know that Miss S has been somewhat very resistant to the toilet training process. I have tried every trick in the book to try and get her to go on the toilet. Sticker charts, gifts, chocolate, you name it, I've tried it and it has always led back to her being in nappies until I finally found a way to dismantle the power struggle between us.
Miss S started asking to use the toilet when she was approx 2 1/2 years old and for the first few days she would go but after that or when she got busy she would decided not to go, so I would start reminding her to go every half hour and then she would flatly refuse to go or come and stand next to me and go to the toilet and say "Mummy I'm doing a wee." Almost to say "Mum, because you have nagged me to go I'm going to go right here and stick it up you." :) So now we had become locked into a power struggle that has resulted in 5 attempts to get her to go to the toilet with this one final attempt and with me threatening my husband that I am going to go insane if I have to change one more 3 year old nappy.
So after months of trawling the Internet to find a solution I finally found one http://www.rogerknapp.com/medical/pottytrainingrefusals.htm This has been one life saver of an article. I read it and sent the article to my husband who also read it. I said since Miss S and I were in such a power struggle, it was best if the conversation came from him but I sat with him so we stood as a united front.
So this is what we did:
- Sat her down and told her that she was now a big girl and she was the one responsible for her own wees and poos and Mummy and Daddy were no longer going to change her or clean up her poos.
- Told her that we were no longer going to buy nappies or pullups for her because she was a big girl and no longer needed them during the day.
- That Knickers would be earned and she was going to have a bare bottom until she proved she could go to the toilet all by herself. (Best done on weekend when you are not planning on going anywhere)
- Apologised for all the nagging and being on her back about going to the toilet and this was the last talk that we were going to have on going to the toilet.
- Allowed her to pick the the reward she wanted (Could not be a material reward had to be something like time with a favourite toy or game and the time was limited) The Dr suggested 30-60minutes I thought 20minutes was fine since Miss S asked to play with the ipad.
- You as the parent are in control of the reward which means when the time is up the time is up no ifs or buts or please mum 5 more minutes. No! it is this amount of time and no more no less. If they ask for the reward at any other time and have not gone to the potty you need to say Sweetie when you are responsible for going to the toilet you can have the Ipad or toy or DVD whatever it is. Never bring the wees and poos back on you your child needs to do it.
- If there was an accident or refusal you just put it back on them and gently say "Well,honey Mummy is not going to clean up your poo or wee because you are responsible for your waste and not me." or "Next time sweetie you need to listen to your body better". Make sure they clean up there mess because they will never learn that they are responsible for it if they hate doing it and scream and yell keep making them do it because they will soon learn that you mean what you say. I know it sounds cruel but remember your not dealing with a child who can't go to the toilet your dealing with a child who wont go.
- STAND STRONG AND DO NOT GIVE IN.
This article has been a lifesaver for me and I now have a little girl who is going to the toilet pretty much all the time, she even went to daycare where she has been incredibly stubborn to and stayed dry the whole day and even did poos in the toilet. She has gone from being a toilet training tyrant to going to the toilet (except for night time) all the time in less than a week.
I hope this article helps you as much as it has helped me.
Ps Remember to enter my Little Reader give away. Just read this blog and follow the rules http://intellikidsdownunder.blogspot.com/2011/09/little-reader-review-with-little-reader.html